Sunday, June 7, 2009

Jehovah, Jehovah

Last night I watched Evan Almighty on DVD (I got a copy off a Chinese woman in the pub. I like to think that by supporting enterprising local entrepreneurs, I played a small part in getting Blockbusters on the High Street closed down) and this morning I was awoken by the sound of thunder.

"It's the flood," I thought, "maybe it's a sign from God."

It's stopped raining now, so I'm almost 100 per cent sure the world is not about to be engulfed by a Biblical flood. Still, it is Sunday morning and I'm feeling kind of spiritual. It's been a fair old while since I started my quest to discover whether there is a God ot not. As regular readers will know, I have yet to fully complete the quest. I've investigated Voodoo, Islam, Christianty, Scientology, Astrology and Judaism. And I wasn't able to come up with any kind of concrete proof that there is a God.

Yesterday, though, I got a comment from my good friend, the retired school master Mr Coleman that was so lovely that it really made me think that, like Annie Lennox, there must be an angel playing with my heart.

I'm blessed readers, and not just because of of my brilliant blogging skills. No, I'm blessed with a gift far greater than wonderful blogs, I'm blessed with the gift of friendship. I'm turning all mushy, like a pot of peas at Goose Fair.

If you can't be arsed, or simply haven't got the time to read Mr C's comment, it turns out that he's got a dodgy ticker and reading about the harrowing nature of my life has made him realise how lucky he is. But there was something else about the comment that made me think of God. He's having surgury soon and they're going to use a pig's heart valve.

Clearly, then, Mr Coleman is not a Jehovah's Witness (or as my good friend Dave, the roofer, calls them, a Bon Jovi's Witness). The Jehovah's Witnesses are a funny old bunch, they're basically really hard core Christians that believe that the world is about to end and only they'll be allowed up into Heaven.

To be honest, it's standard religious fayre isn't it? If you're not part of the club, you won't get into Heaven. But what if they're right??

Well, I know who won't be going to Heaven if they're right, thanks to having the heart of a swine. That's right. It's Mr Coleman. The Jehovah's Witnesses think that by tinkering with anatomy you're basically trying to 'play God' and as such you should not be allowed into Heaven!!

Well, I tell you what, that sounds pretty darned messed up, if anyone deserves to go to Heaven then it's Mr Coleman (that said, I'm sure that you've got years ahead of you!!).

The thing is, that means I think they're wrong. But the mother of my old school friend Steve up in Lincoln became a Jehovah's Witness a few years ago, and she's a really nice lady. So I hope if there is a God he won't hold her beliefs against her, unless she's right, in which case I hope God will spare a thought for Mr Coleman and not throw is soul into Hell for all eternity.

Maybe you should get a mechanical valve Mr Coleman. Then you'd be a cyborg!! COOL BEANS.

You could start The Bionic Blog. I'd definitely become a follower and I bet Mess would too.

I guess that's the end of today's sermon.

Live long and prosper.



  1. Hi Blogleader
    Don't mind going to Hell (when my time comes, of course!) 'cos there's pirates there - how cool will that be!! You're right, I'm not a Jehovahs Witness - but it turns out my surgeon is! He's a top guy with a great sense of humour - he has me in stitches! D'ya think I've made the wrong choice?

  2. I'd be a proud follower ! Even if I'm basically an atheist !

  3. Goose Fair is bringing back all sorts of unpleasant memories of living in Nottingham...

  4. You forgot to mention the most important thing about Jehovah witnesses: they aren't supposed to get presents on birthdays/holidays. My Nana was supposedly one, but by god if you didn't get that old bitch a present, you got the cold shoulder until the next present giving holiday.

  5. By Christ otherworldlyness, you're right, I've met a few stingy coffin dodgers in my time. Why? WHY? It's not as if you can take it with you is it?

    Also - MLS - My dear old Mum used to drive me down from Lincoln every October for Goose Fair. And if I was lucky a Notts Forest game. Incidentally, Notts Forest used to play on the Forest Recreation ground, where Goose Fair is held, hence Forest. It is not a reference to Sherwood Forest as so many people believe. FACT!!!!!

    Mess and Mr C - word, respec. You the men.

  6. my step sister is a 'jehovah witness'... I'll pass on that one...

    Here's too you Mr. Coleman and your surgery. Barry- keep us updated! :)