There definitely IS a God?!!!

Well, I just don’t know what to think. One minute you’ve got buses driving around with slogans on them saying there might not be a God. Then, before you know it, up pop the Christians, using the same mass transport vehicles to proclaim that there is definitely a God. What’s a hack to do?

I know journalists are supposed to be wary of editorialising, but I think I really need to come down on one side or the other on this debate. It’s what they call a divisive issue, and I’m not going to sit on the fence. But in order to figure out which side I’m on, I needed to know whether or not I believe in God.

As my fellow aspiring journalist Gavin Strachan said in a recent post on his excellent blog: “Wow, I really am getting deep.”

Figuring out whether or not you believe in God isn’t easy. On the one hand, the fact that mankind has progressed so far that it has invented blogging on the internet, allowing me to tell you that I’m trying to figure out whether or not I believe in God seems like a hell of a thing to happen by accident. Then again, if God really existed, he would have given Stone Age Man the internet, surely. Although I think that Stone Age Man worshipped the sun, so perhaps God withheld the internet because He was wrathful.

It’s the wrathful God that I’m not sure about. Did He send AIDS, and all the hurricanes and tsunamis, the volcanoes and the wars and the aeroplane disasters? Why would a God let bad things happen? I think that’s really the big question, the one that I’d like to put to God Himself, if I were given the job of interviewing Him for that section in Metro.

These would be my ten questions to God:

1. Who are Your parents?
2. Do You feel bad about the wars fought in Your name?
3. Why didn’t You stop Hitler?
4. Of all the religions run in Your name, which would You be most willing to abolish?
5. Can You stop global warming?
6. When sportsmen and women on opposing teams make the sign of the cross before a game, how do You decide which one to help?
7. Is the old testament actually true?
8. Are you a leg God or a breast God? You created them both, after all… (You’ve got to have some light relief, even in serious debates!!!)
9. What five humans would You have to dinner if You could have any five humans to dinner?
10. Which creature do You most regret creating? (I bet it would be the wasp!!!)

This is an interesting way of looking at the question of faith, because it highlights some common problems that Science has with God. Like, how did he come into existence? It must be really hard being a theologian. Jeez, right now I don’t feel like I’m really getting anywhere with this. I think I might call my Mum. She’s a church going lady. That reminds me, I got a massive electricity bill this morning.

There’ll be more on this later, readers, so keep your eyes open.

Newsdesk out!