The Last Supper

Happy Easter EVERYBODY!!!! And that goes not only to the Christians, but also the Jews, Muslims, Scientologists, Astrologists and Witch Doctors out there.

As regular readers out there will know, not only am I a practising buddhist, I'm also deeply spiritual in a number of other ways. This all stems back to a time when I ask myself and the blogosphere in general, whether there really is a God.

So I'll say it again, Happy Easter EVERYONE.

Easter hasn't always been about seeing how many chocolate eggs you can stuff down in a day, it's commemorating the day that Jesus Christ was reincarnated, much to the dismay of the Romans. This is almost certainly the root cause of all that Catholic Guilt.

Today is also a great day in the history of Barry Newsdesk. Because, thanks to the additional of my excellent new French friend Mess, I now have a whopping 12 followers. Much like Jesus did.

Following on from yesterday's post about the formation of Newsdesk United. I thought, in honour of it being Easter, I would asign my followers Apostlistical names. I had a pretty good idea who would be Judas Iscariot, but then I thought better of it. It would be what religious people call blasphemous. Which is basically just another way of saying I'd be taking the piss.

Yesterday, I posted a picture of Brian Clough whom many Notts Forest fans believed to be God, and today I've got a picture of Brian Cohen played by Graham Chapman in the classic 1979 film, The Life of Brian. In which he is mistaken for the messiah.

When the film was released it caused uproar among the religious community, who deemed its content blasphemous. There it is again. They were basically saying that John Cleese, Michael Palin and the gang were taking the piss out of religious bigotry and Christian hypocrisy.

And, in many ways, there were. But because those chaps all went to Cambridge University, they were able to argue that actually it was satire.

Satire is what Jewish comedian Sacha Baron Cohen calls his interpretation of that Kazakhstanian character Borat. But really, he's just taking the piss

You see readers, it's a minfield out there.

Anyway, I'm off down the pub to meet Dave, he reckons he's got some news for me!

See you all at tomorrow's paaaaaaaaaaaaarty!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't forget, tell a friend and bring a bottle!
peace out.bazz :-)

Newsdesk United

I've been up all night celebrating as though I'd won the European Cup itself. I was celebrating because I've gained another follower: Tiffany Amber. How cool is that?

Don't get too excited though readers, she's not the same Amber I work with at Blockbusters. Tiffany Amber is a mother of four and writes a delightful blog called Living in the Stream. It's all about life, love and everything that's good in the world, I urge you to check it out. She's got four followers (including yours truly now!!!).

Welcome aboard Tiffany Amber, I hope you'll be coming to the Big 1K Party on Monday? Feel free to bring the kids. I'll back sure there's no foul language.

The best part about TA's arrival is that it brings the number of Barry Newsdesk followers to 11, this has enabled me to create Newsdesk United.

I'll be the manager, natch, and I have modeled my style on the iconic Notts Forest gaffer, Brian 'ol big 'ead' Clough. I speak my mind and don't suffer fools gladly. Clough is currently the subject of a film called The Damned Utd. It's a tissue of lies his family says and paints a picture of a dark autocrat with a penchant for the booze. Suffice to say, I will not be going to see it. Not least because it's got that bloke in it that plays loads of famous people but always sounds like he's doing Tony Blair doing an impression of other people.

So doubtless you'll all be wanting to know where you're going to play. The good news, in a way, is that the squad of Newsdesk Utd lacks strength in depth. So everyone gets a game.

In goal I will put Steve. It's often said thatyou've got to be a bit mad to play keep the nets, and you've only got to spend a few minutes reading Steve's excellent blog to realise that he's a crazy cat.

I'll put my second latest follower, The Finisher, at left back. Some people might argue that he should be left back in the changing room. But not me, that's all water under the bridge. Besides, one of the greats of the game, Stuart 'psycho' Pearce made that position his own with Notts Forest and if the Finisher's tackling is as fearce as his pedantry we'll have nothing to worry about.

On the other flank I reckon I'll put Karen Snyder, being American and a lady I've put her in arguably the easiest position on the pitch. It's not patronising, it just maks sense in footballing sense, as it were.

At the heart of defence will be my excellent Irishpolishman Merek Lenarcik, he looks a Larry Lloyd type. It's probably all the Guinness and perogies. Alongside Merek will be his compatriot Mark Stanley. You need that kind of understanding between your centre halves. They could even talk to each other in Irish to confuse the opposting centre forward. Unless the opposing centre forward is Irish. Or speaks Irish.

In the centre of the park, holding things together, is team captain Mr Coleman. Having read his regular words of wisdom in the comments sections of this blog he's the obvious choice for captain marvel. A real Roy Keane I reckon. I'll pair Mr Coleman up with the creative playmaker Donnac1968. Her equisite knitting skills are indicative of a great imagination.

On the left wing will be Cathy, she works in PR so is bound to be a slippery customer. I'll pop Jennifer Shannon Walker, my excellent Californian follower on the right wing so that she can form a strong overlapping partnership with right back (and also American) Karen Snyder.

The front line will be made up of Molly and Tiffany Amber, both girls are great at going forward, in and around the box...;-))

I've edited together a team on Pro Evo and I'm looking forward to a few games later.

COME ON YOU REDS!!!!!!

Invitation

Last week I was literally on Cloud Nine after receiving my ninth follower Cathy. At the time my excellent follower Mr Colman suggested in the comments section that I was getting so popular that I should start thinking about throwing a party when I reached the 1000 hits watershed.

Well, I responded that as I was on 811 hits, it wouldn't take a maths (or math, as my American readers no doubt call it) genius to work out that was only 189 away from the Big 1K.

I did a bit of back of the fag packet maths and calulated that at my hit rate per day ratio I'd hit the Big 1K on April 26th!

Well, what a week I've had. First up I got myself into a right mess in (yet another) case of mistaken identity. I thought Cathy's friend was Will Young. He wasn't Will Young though, he was (well, I suppose he still is!) Sam Tring. Naturally, I thought he must be Cathy's boyfriend. Then I was wrong again readers. He revealed that he's actually gay. I felt like a right plonker. Then some other guy calling himself The Finisher started following me. And, he's entitled to his opinions, just like I'm entitled to mine. Let's just say we didn't really hit it off straight away. But, thanks to the calming influence of Mr Coleman, we managed to patch things up. It's water under the bridge as far as I'm concerned.

While all this was kicking off, I discovered that Amber from Blockbuster (happy now?) is actually seeing someone and so I've got a bit of competition for her affections. She knocked me back, but I'm not out of the game!! When something's worth fighting for, I'll not be detered. And, as per Mr Coleman's suggestion I reckon I'll throw a party on the blog and invite Amber!

Thing is, all the furore with Will Young/Sam Tring and The Finisher, my hit rate per day ratio shot through the roof!!!!

It's April 9th and I'm on 938 hits. I'm only 62 off the Big 1K and I haven't done a thing to get things ready for the party....

I'm going to need some help readers. That's where you come in.

I need you guys to spread the word that there's a party going down! Tell everyone, tell your friends, if they're a friend of yours, they're a friend of mine.

Bring a few cans of Cobra and we'll have a party right here on the blog. If you've got a wireless router, you might want to take your iBook into the kitchen, that's where people tend to congregate. Or perhaps if you're a smoker and you've got an iPhone or some other fancy gadget, you migth want to hang out in the garden with the other smokers. Everyone knows the smokers are always the coolest people at a party.

That's not to say I condone smoking, I don't, they're coffin nails. But maybe you've got some weed. Hey, chill out, you're among friends.

Don't bring any dickhead dust though, unless you're Barry McGuigan, I'm not going to argue with the Clones Cylone!!!

Pop some music on your stereo, that's the glory of this party, you can listen to whatever you want as quietly or loudly as you like. Although, if you're listening to Cliff Richard don't let me find out, I'll have you thrown out as a gatecrasher. Will Young look-a-like Sam Tring has offered to do a turn, and having seen his Bush, I'm not going to say no.

This blog post will have to serve as the invitation, so make sure you RSVP. I reckon, at the current growth rate, I'll break the 1000 barrier by Easter Monday. Handily enough, UK readers should have the day off so will be able get this party started, let's get this party started, let's get this party started!!!!

When Amber sees how many cool friends I've got, she's bound to see sense and choose a bit of Newsdesk in her life.

I'm pumped readers, I can hardly wait for Monday. Thank God for Jesus eh, without him getting nailed up we'd all be at work ;-)

word

Im-perfect 10

Well readers, I’m usually overjoyed when I gain new followers. But my latest addition, some guy calling himself The Finisher, seems like a total jerk-off.

He’s made a couple of comments already. He comes across like a right know-it-all. He seems to be friends with my excellent follower Cathy and her (purely platonic) friend Sam (nice video btw Sam - you sound just like Kate Bush!! - if you've not seen it readers, check it out here. It's BRILLIANT)

So, I don’t want to be too rude about my new follower, he might be Sam’s boyfriend. After all Sam did post that he loves cock and this Finisher bloke seems like a bit of cock.

He’s questioning my journalistic integrity. But I’ve had a look at his blogs Bad PR and Dart Club and they’re absolutely rubbish.

He reckons he’s a writer, but he can’t write for toffee. Actually, I’ve gone beyond caring whether or not I hurt his (or Sam’s or Cathy’s) feelings. He reminds of my boss Richard at Blockbusters.

The Bad PR blog is just a catalogue of whinging and moaning, and the Dart Club blog seems to be about him and his mates playing darts. WHO CARES???????

Get a life the Finisher. You might be following me, but that doesn’t mean we have to be friends, KK??! Wise up.

Unwanted followers are just stalkers!

Sorry for the rant readers, I don’t mean to waste my emotions on people like the Finisher. Sometimes I can’t help it though, I’m an emotional man. I get that from Mum probably. She raised me to care about stuff.

I guess I’m especially sensitive today because I asked Amber out yesterday at Blockbusters, I’ve been avoiding doing it, because we work together. I even asked Richard if I could get a transfer to another branch. But he said no, the wanker. Anyway, cutting a long story short, she said she was kind of seeing someone right now, so it was a bit difficult :-(

I can't believe it. I really thought we had something going. I really thought we'd bonded. We're astrologically perfect for each other. I told her this, and she said she wasn't really into the 'older man thing'.

I called Gill to see if she fancied meeting for a chat. But it went straight to voice mail.

I’m not losing hope with Amber just yet, as long as we’re working together there’s always a chance that she’ll come around the old ND charm.

Speaking of which, I’ve got a shift on now, so I’d better be off *sigh*

Confirmed Bachelors

Sometimes you just can’t do anything right. You know those kinds of days, readers? Not only did I mistake an entirely ordinary person – Sam Tring – for pop superstar Will Young, I then assumed Sam to be the boyfriend of Cathy, my most recent follower. Assumptions, assumptions. It turns out that Sam is just a good friend of Cathy’s.

I think, judging from his comments, that even if Cathy were the last woman on earth, she still wouldn’t do for Sam. He commented, you see, that he “loves cock”. And I know enough about the world to know that probably means he’s gay. Or at least bi-curious.

When I was younger, a teenager, I tried to think gay thoughts to see if I might be gay. It didn’t work. Try as I might, I couldn’t get excited about the prospect. I will admit to a brief period of time during which I found Billie Jean King attractive, but that’s as close as I got. Still, I did experiment with my thoughts, which proves that I’m not prejudiced. And it also proves I’m not in the closet, like Sir Cliff Richard was for all those years.

Apparently something like six per cent of all adults are gay. You probably work or have worked with someone who’s gay. Perhaps you didn’t realise it; after all it’s not always easy to tell. Here’s a tip from the BBC, though, which helps you spot when blokes being written about in their stories are gay:

The BBC always makes reference to whether or not the men are married or have kids. So, if someone is a ‘confirmed bachelor’ that means the BBC is tipping you the wink that they’re gay. Likewise if the BBC says, “Such and such is not married, and has no children”. It’s the same deal.

Here's a classic example.Here's another one involving a member of the Royal Family, and here's one more involving a former Prime Minister

And if you don’t believe all of this, then just look at this set of Cliff Richard lyrics, in which he writes of how his father forbade him a life of heterosexuality.

When I was young my father said
Son I have something to say
And what he told me Ill never forget
Until my dyin' day.
He said son you are a bachelor boy
And thats the way to stay.
Son, you be a bachelor boy until your dyin' day.

Jesus Christ, Freud would have a field day with that, wouldn’t he? Perhaps you are moved to feel sympathy for Cliff, over the fact that his father dictated such a personal element of his life, and that he lived for so many years with that waxy, fixed smile on his face while inside he was screaming out the truth.

But you shouldn’t feel sorry for Cliff Richard, because he’s a complete fucking wanker.

Will Young and a massive CORRECTION

I think I owe the blogosphere a massive apology.

At the end of February I gained a new follower called David Coleman. I thought it was the same Daivid Colman made famous for his balls. But it wasn't, it was Mr D Coleman, retired school master and (as it turns out) an excellent follower - I wouldn't swap Mr Coleman for the famous one, with or without his balls.

I was wrong. I jumped to the wrong conclusion. It was a case of mistaken identity. I corrected my mistake as soon as Mr Coleman pointed it out in the comments section of the blog (as indeed, I promise to do in the blog disclaimer at the bottom of the blog).

Anyway, yesterday I posted that my latest follower Cathy must be friends with popstar Will Young because he's in her blog's photo.

I popped the news up on Twitter and it didn't take long for it to spread like wild fire. A Will Young fan forum was soon on the case, only it wasn't good news - here's what was posted:

Originally Posted by angelique
bit confused by this!lol

just got a twitter thingy....

Will Young the popstar reads my blog, http:barrynewsdesk.blogspot.com - HOW COOL IS THAT???

so of course went and had a peek....

is barry saying the guy in the pic with the girl doing the 'v's up is will?! cause if he is saying that..then he's wrong! lol...thats no will young :-)

Well, quite a few people came through from the forum for a look, and the overwhelming opinion suggested that I was wrong...

Then Mess dropped by and commented that he too thought I might be wrong....jeesh, Rodney you plonker!! ;-)

Then....get this, the one person who was bound to know whether or not it was Will Young Twittered about it......well, not the one person actually, because Will Young would probably know, no, the person who Twittered about it was @samtring - the man in the photo...(pictured above).

Here's what he Tweeted:

samtringAccording to @barrynewsdesk - I look like Will young, apparently - http://barrynewsdesk.blogsp... [sorry to shatter the illusion]

Then I Tweeted:

@samtring Gosh - Sorry Samtring - I will have to post an apology. Unless you really are Will and this is a cunning ruse...

And he Tweeted back:

samtring@barrynewsdesk I wish I was - sadly i lack the talent and the money! no apology needed it's flattering more than anything.

Well, I think that's pretty conclusive readers. The man in the photo on Cathy's blog isn't Will Young. He's Sam Tring. He's a top bloke I reckon, Cathy's clearly a lucky girl to have found such a nice boyfriend.

Blimey readers, the power of the Internet. I never would have imagined when I started out on my quest to become a Citizen Journalist that I would have met such a great bunch. Just a few months ago I'd never even heard of Twitter and now look at me!!! I'm like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix.

Maybe I should get one of the Nokia phones with a slide out mouthpiece. I reckon that'd be pretty cool.

night, night Newsdesk out.x

Where there's a Will...

Met up with Gill earlier today. I said I'd stand her a PizzaExpress, I thought things might get nasty, especially after reading her comments on the blog. I'm not a coward by the way Gill, I know you're a big fan of the Sloppy Giuseppe. Who isn't? Although, sometimes an American Hot can be quite tasty.

We didn't go in the end, she just wanted to meet up to give me back my Coldplay album and pick up the kettle that her mum gave us. Well, her, but she already has one. So we just met up at East Croydon train station. She'd had her hair done, and it might have been my imagination but I could swear she'd shed a few pounds. Not that she needed to, curves are always nice.

She barely spoke to me, even knocked back my offer of a Costa Coffee. Said she was meeting a 'friend' later for lunch. I ask who but she told me it was none of my business, that she could meet whoever she damn well liked. Then she did that smile, where only half her face goes up, I think it's supposed to say 'so there!' but actually is says 'I resemble a bell's palsy suffering spiteful bitch'.

Anyway, I won't lie to you readers, I was hurt. I'd told her all about Amber, I think if we're going to be grown up about the split, she could at least tell me who she's meeting for lunch!!

Earlier in the day I had planned to pen my invitation to a virtual web party, as suggested (on the comments section of the last post) by my excellent follower Mr Coleman the retired teacher. But I was in right funk. Well, I was until I logged on and had a closer look at the photo of my latest follower Cathy's blog (shown below), Booze, Shoes and Tattoos.

OMG readers!! Actually, no not OMG. I mean OYG - Oh YOUR God - because i'm being more inclusive as a result of all my religious studies.

Anyway, OYG readers!!!

I've only just noticed that Cathy, my new follower, fraternises with the rich and famous. Because, if I'm not very much mistaken, that fellow in the photo with her (see below) is international pop superstar Will Young!!

I'm not one of those people who thinks that Will Young is a talentless idiot with an unremarkable voice and a penchant for slaughtering perfectly good Doors songs. I think he's brilliant, and he seems like a nice bloke.

Anyway, check me out, readers. I have a follower who's friends with a pop star. Just imagine if Will started following my blog too. That would be awesome!!

I hope you enjoyed the sunshine today everybodypeeps!!

ND out.