Saturday, February 28, 2009

The great eight

I’ve just had one of the best 24 hours of my life. I did an afternoon shift at Blockbusters yesterday. It was just me and Richard. That guy is control freak, y’know who he reminds me off?

IAN BEAL from EastEnders. He even looks a bit like Adam Woodyatt (that’s Ian Beal’s name when he’s not being Ian Beal).

Richard effects a certain sanctimonious air. Honestly readers, if I wasn’t a practising Buddhist I’d love to give him a slap. It didn’t matter though, the shop was pretty quiet so I spent most of my time watching free films and eating M&Ms. I guess that’s to be expected in the afternoons – which is probably why Richard took the shift!!!!

On the way back home I was passing the Wheatsheaf pub and I spotted Leigh and Amber in there. I joined them for a few drinks. It was a bit weird at first, what with us being colleagues, but after a couple of pints we really started to hit it off. I must admit, most of the conversation centred on what a jerk Richard is. Leigh calls him Dickard. Sometimes you need a common foe.

I’ve got to admit, even though Leigh didn’t go to university, he’s as sharp as a razor. I guess he went to the school of hard knocks instead. We had such a great night, and I really think I bonded with Amber. I think the three of us might become firm friends. Like the Musketeers.

Leigh rolled up a fat bifter and we had a few tokes. Even Amber. I didn’t think she was that type of girl.

Mum always told me it was the quiets ones I had to watch !! ;-))

Today was even better, I just bummed around for a while in the morning. I called Leigh to see if wanted to have a smoke. But he just said he was busy “y’know what I mean bruv?” he said. I’m pretty sure I heard a girl in the background. That boy is soooooo street.

I killed a few hours playing Pro Evolution Soccer. Gill called a couple of times, but I let it go to ansafone. Treat em mean innit, as Leigh would say.

The day got better, Notts Forest got an away win against Reading.

Then I logged on to check the blog, and things went into overdrive. After losing Steve, Vince and Norks earlier in the week (then getting Steve back). I have gained another follower.

Better still, my new follower is famous!!!!!

None other than David Coleman.

If you've been living on Mars or something, David Coleman is a sport commentator famous for saying particularly stupid things whilst commentating. Here are some of my personal fav 'Coleman Balls' as they're known (he actually said these...!):

1. That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record.
2. Don't tell those coming in the final result of that fantastic match, but let's just have another look at Italy's winning goal.
3. For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2.
4. This is a truly international field, no Britons involved.
5. Both of the Villa scorers - Withe and Mortimer - were born in Liverpool as was the Villa manager Ron Saunders who was born in Birkenhead.
6. He's 31 this year - last year he was 30.
7. He won the bronze medal in the 1976 Olympics so he's used to being out in front.
8. We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waltz is 80 seconds behind.
9. Linford Christie's got a habit of pulling it out when it matters most.
10. The late start is due to the time.
11. He's got his hands on his knees and holds his head in despair.
12. He's even smaller in real life than he is on the track.
13. This could be a repeat of what will happen in the European games next week.
14. It's a battle with himself and with the ticking fingers of the clock.
15. Here are some names to look forward to - perhaps in the future.
16. In the Moscow Olympics Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champions race.
17. He just can't believe what's not happening to him.
18. One of the great unknown champions because very little is known about him.
19. There'll be only one winner now - in every sense.
20. He is accelerating all the time. The last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before that in 62.
21. The big Cuban opened his legs and showed his class.
22. (At the velodrome) The front wheel crosses the fininsh line, closely followed by the back wheel.

Classic. Welcome aboard Dave. Please feel free to commment, I'd love to see a few more of your balls!! geddit?!?



  1. A pleasing blog. As a retired teacher - and NOT a former TV sports presenter - I am happy to comment that your spelling and punctuation are both making great progress. My appearance in your latest article prompted me to recall the following soundbites :-

    “Looking at the proliferation of personal web pages on the net, it looks like very soon everyone on earth will have 15 Megabytes of fame.”
    M. G. Siriam

    “Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks”

    Keep on blogging!