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You'll be lierally amazed when you read what I'm about to write.This weeked I'm going to Centre Parcs!
I know what you're thinking, why is a cool, urbanite, influencer like Barry Newsdesk going to Centre Parcs.
Centre Parcs is basically Butlins for the middle class family man. Jeesh, I'm upper working class for starters and ain't in the family way yet! ;-) - well, not that I know about kk!
Thing is, Gill and I booked a trip to Centre Parcs just before Xmas. It was her idea to be honest, and in all fairness, she's paying for it. But the holiday is booked all the same, and it'd be a shame to waste it.
She said as much to me just last night. We went to the pub and had a very frank chat. We're definitely not 'dating', but well, I've not had much luck with the Internet dating schemes and I think we can safely say I'm totoally OVER Amber. It was infatuation, nothing more, there was no emotion. It was pure sex. Well, not actual sex, but certainly desire, or lust if you will.
Gill reckons we can go to Centre Parcs together, it's a twin room after all and there are plenty of activities for us to be getting on with, so we don't need to spend every waking moment together.
I tell you what though, it's been a while, if you know what I mean, and if we're louging by the pool and she's got that bikini on that goes see-thru when it gets wet, well, I'm only human aren't I?!
We'll have chicken & chips and a few glasses of chardonney, and those twin beds can soon be pushed together ;-)) nudge, nudge.
It doesn't mean we'll be back together, but maybe we can have an 'open' relationship? A lot of water has passed under the bridge when all's said and done.
I'm not telling Mum, she'll only get excited, and at her age she probably doesn't need her blood pressure rising. Besides, she's probably got something planned with Roger anyway. Smooth talking crook that he is will be swindling her out of my inheritance!
Anyway, gotta go and pack my snorkel - think I'll pack my lucky pants while I'm at it.
Who would have thought I'd be so excited about a trip to bloody Centre Parcs....next I'll be buying a Ford Mondeo.
Peace out, l8ers
x
Hi Blogleader,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great blog – and so pleasing to see, like the green shoots of Spring, the return of positive optimism into your journal. You have learned much at your recent stay at the University of Hard Knocks and are showing great insight into what causes we fickle and self-motivated humans to act and react in the complex ways that we do.
So, seeing how matters of the heart appear to have turned a corner (well, walked back to where they once were pre-Amber!) and that Gill is paying for the privilege of your company over the weekend, I feel a dreadful guilt at having to express some words of fearful caution
You, as a blog writer of growing stature, and as an aspiring citizen journalist, need no reminding of the power of words. Your familiarity with the works of the Bard is beyond question. The phrase “The pen is mightier than the sword” has obviously been your guiding beacon from the moment you began sharing your thoughts in the Blogosphere. Now that may indeed be an undeniable truth – however, if Shakespeare had been caught up a dark alley by a gang of Tudor Chavs I think I can guess what he would have reached for given the choice between a Kalashnikov or the first folio edition of “Loves Labours Lost”!
Never-the-less, I too am a firm believer in the great power housed in each and every word we speak or write. Our words are as personal as our fingerprints. Our writing is a door to our soul.
So, while reading the current blog, various phrases jumped out at me. I found myself asking the same question over and over. It was like a code that was aching to be solved. I had some time on my hands – yet another sleepless night, and both the Guardian crossword and the Times Sudoku far too bloody difficult to waste valuable hours on – so I read and re-read your blog. At 2:27am it came to me! The key sentence was “ain't in the family way yet! ;-) - well, not that I know about kk!” and the question I was asking myself was :
“ARE BARRY AND GILL GOING TO CENTRE PARCS – OR NO?”
And then it became obvious! The words and letters swarmed off the page and rearranged themselves in front of my sleep-deprived eyes – how could I have missed it?
That very question I was asking myself was a code, a warning, a dread message from a world beyond human understanding. Yes, Blogleader, it was an ANAGRAM!!! Rearranged those fateful letters spelled out :
“ONE ACROBATIC ORGY ERROR – AND GILL’S PREGNANT”
Now, I’m not the superstitious sort – well apart from the quite reasonable caution about walking under ladders and not leaving the house on Friday 13th, or going anywhere there may be a danger of spotting magpies – but those words chilled me to the marrow (either that or the central heating had switched off). Barry, if you still intend to spit in Fate’s eye and ignore the message of The Word – make sure you take something for the weekend!
Have a great time.
Looking forward to your next blog – Mr C
Oh, Center Parcs ! That's great ! No matter how the chemistry is, it's good way to chill out and let all your concerns behind you for at least 2 days ! Never been to CP, so you need to share all the juicy details ! (about Center Parcs of course ! the rest is up to you but it's deffo none of our business!)
ReplyDeleteMrC, love your anagram, Barry, U know what to do ! lol
Have a great time ! Take care x