Mum's the word

Jeesh, you wouldn't believe the week I've had readers.

Firstly, I want to say a big "THANK YOU" to Mr Coleman. He advised me against taking up Wu Travel's offer to sponsor this blog. I sent Alyssa an email indicating that I would be interested in finding out more, and as sure as eggs is eggs, she requested my bank details. I didn't respond, I just deleted the email and put that one down to experience.

Without Mr C's words of wisdom I would almost certainly have handed my bank details over. It seemed so convincing and such a brilliant offer. Apparently, this is a form of fraud known as phishing - like fishing - Internet fraudsters ask for the bank details of a lot of people, it only takes one or two people to bite and hand over the deets and then bingo, Bob's your uncle, they empty the bank accounts and that's that. Game over.

I haven't exactly got much cash anyway, so in a way I didn't have much to lose, but it's the principle.

Secondly, I want to apologize. I've been up in Lincoln all week looking after Mum and so have not been able to post. As regular readers will know, I love my Mum. She's always been there for me, we're more like friends than mother and son. She's like the big sister I never had.

Anyway, turns out she's ill. It's nothing serious though, so don't worry. She just turned up on my doorstep last Sunday, having driven down, with a note pad and pen. Apparently, she'd been trying to get hold of me on the phone, but every time she called I just put the phone down. She's lost her voice! Amazing really, I thought I was being targeted by those Indian call centres that have automatic ringing machines. OYG they're so flippin annoying aren't they?!

Mum scribbled down that she was pretty much incapacitated with muteness and could I go up to Lincoln and help her out? Naturally, I pointed out that I'd have to miss work, but she said she could cover my wages, so that was OK.

It wasn't too bad, I just needed to help out in the shop during the day. In a way it was quite nice, there weren't many customers and I'd take my sandwiches up to the cathedral at lunchtime. It's a beautiful part of the world readers, the pace of life is so much slower than London, you can really take a step back and appreciate life.

Mind you, it brought back some painful memories. I used to come up and sit in the cathedral grounds to get away from Mum and Dad's constant bickering when I was a nipper. I haven't really told you about Dad have I? Maybe one day I will.

It's a bit dull though, Lincoln. On Tuesday night I gave my old friend Steve a ring. He's settled down now with a wife (Linda), and daughter (Siobhan), with another on the way (sex unknown). He seems really happy with his life up there, with his semi-detached and company car. But that's not for me, I tried to tell him about my new life as a Citizen Journalist, but he was only really interested in his Sky Digital and telling me about kids, and schools and all that.

In the end I was glad to get out of there and really glad to get back down here. Back where the action is. I had fried chicken for dinner and then caught the bus back and I didn't hear a single English voice. I think the bloke in front of me might have been English, but he was listening to his Walkman so I didn't hear him speak. There was a French couple, who seemed to be having a pretty serious conversation (I think he was dans le maison du chien), then there were some Somali looking chaps who were in turns arguing and laughing raucously, a Chinese couple, or possibly Japanese, it's difficult to tell isn't it? And a drunk Irishman who stank of wee. You just don't get that rich cultural diversity in Lincoln.

Mum's voice still hasn't really come back properly, she's having a scan up at the hospital tomorrow, but I needed to get back really, I can't fob Richard at Blockbuster off indefinitely and I wanted to catch up with Amber, she had an audition for some production. I've already missed out on a couple of dates from the online dating service and I need to get some love action back in my life. I told Gill that I needed to come back down and she agreed to go up to Lincoln and help Mum out.

Don't worry though, I can probably rearrange the dates, so I haven't missed out or anything.

Big Love. BN x