Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Snow balls

It seems as though I am getting nowhere with my journalism. So far, I’ve completed two assignments and, followers aside, received scant reward.

Still, I’m no quitter. Using the inspiration of a recent comment made by my good friend Steve, I decided to take something of national importance and spin a new yarn.

I’ll be employing an old trick of the journalist trade readers. Journalists who follow stories sometimes only ever really add one or two new details right at the beginning, then simply cut and paste in a bunch of old flannel to “pad it out a bit”. Then when a sub-editor comes to cut the copy, they can simply delete from the bottom safe in the knowledge that they’re not cutting something essential from the piece.

Sexual discrimination is snow joke

You would think that the people of this country had never seen snow given the almost blanket coverage that the recent dump gained in the media. To paraphrase the much-maligned Labour spin doctor Jo Moore, yesterday would have been a good day to bury bad news.
One piece of news that slipped the nation’s consciousness yesterday was the rampant culture of sexism raging endemic among today’s disaffected youth. Recently completed research in one South London borough demonstrated that the vast majority of snow-based sculptures remain male.
These so-called Snowmen out-number their female counterparts in the nation’s capital by over nine to one. Yet Gordon Brown and his cronies sit by idly to one side and do nothing!!!
Packing snow is formed when regular powder snow comes near its melting point and becomes moist and compactible. This allows for the construction of large balls of snow by simply rolling a ball of snow until it grows the desired size. Attempting to make a snowman out of powdered snow is extremely difficult since it will not stick to itself. And if packing snow is not rolled into snowballs before it freezes, it will form an unusable denser form of powdered snow called crust.
In Europe and North America, most snowmen are usually built with three spheres which contain the head, torso, and lower body. Thus the best time to build a snowman is usually in the next warmest afternoon directly following a snowfall with a sufficient amount of snow.
The common trend is to then dress the snowman, usually with rocks, coal, wood sticks, and vegetables. Carrots or cherries are often used for the nose, as are sticks for arms and stones for eyes (traditionally lumps of coal, no longer commonly available). Some people like to dress their snowmen in clothing (scarves, jackets, hats). Dressing a snowman in clothing insulates the snowman by keeping out the heat, which means a longer life for the snowman. However, some may prefer not to risk leaving supplies out doors where they could easily be stolen if someone were so maliciously inclined. Also, snowmen usually melt quite quickly on a hot day, which could cause clothing to become stuck under melting ice if not removed promptly.


  1. There is a rational reason for this being. Most people associate men with Santa, being fat and round. When the look at women, they have this misconceived conception that most are tall, skinny, have long legs and a flat stomach. These traits have been passed down for generations, most likely genetically. Male or female can not comprehend the thought of a female being rounder at the ankles than they are in the chest area. Leading to gender assumption that since a snow person is fat, it has to be a guy. The genetics have not caught up with society. Great post.

  2. Hmm, now this is extremely thought provoking. Now that I really think of it, the shape of a snowman is really more reminiscent of a female, is it not?

  3. It is certainly an intersting debate. If the majority of snow-based humaniod sculptures are male, do homosexuals find them attractive?