Monday, March 16, 2009

The Oyster

It's been a tumultuous week readers. Last Sunday, I gave an in depth study into the religion of Astrology. It almost goes without saying that I thought predicting the future according to the time and date that you were born sounded about as plausible as transubstantiation or the X-Files.

Thing is, when I came to write a post today I thought I'd look back on the previous week's activities and compare them with my horoscope. Just to recap, here's what was said:

"Business relationships will require solid definition this week. Beginning early Tuesday expect office managers and officials to publicly demand results or announce key policy changes. Much of this may be simple dramatics; don't expect authority figures to actually implement long term changes. The next 11 days will determine the outcome of difficult office dynamics or business power struggles. Wait for concrete signs of change before making public statements. After Wednesday romance and social obligations will be complex. Expect loved ones to compete for your attention or make unusual statements concerning family relationships. Emotions are unpredictable at present: watch for minor outbursts and criticism. Friday calm attitudes return: pace yourself and avoid quick judgements."

Well, look at that! On Tuesday I had a massive run in with Richard at Blockbusters, I thought he was being dramatic at the time, maybe he really won't implement long term changes. And then on Wednesday, after I told Gill about Leigh and the goings on, she gave me a massively hard time.

It's black & white readers, almost everything that my horoscope predicted came true!!!

There's no smoke without fire, so they say, although Michael Jackson's lawyers would probably contend otherwise ;-).

Today, also saw the close of my latest poll on immigration. Not surprisingly the world did not vote entirely against an amnesty on immigration. I think it's fair to say my readers have proved yourselves to be open-minded liberal types with the vast majority coming out in favour of "it depends".

Though, it would probably also be fair comment to say that immigration is not perhaps as burning an issue as certain elements of the media would make out. Since a massive two less people voted in the poll, compared with the seven that voted in the previous week's great crisp debate.

Finally, I would like to wish my fav newspaper, the Metro, a happy tenth birthday. God, it seems like only yesterday that the Metro was born. Now though, the Metro is available in tens of cities across the globe. It's perfect balance of news and fun seized the zeitgeist of the moment and became a new paradigm of news.

There are plenty of imitators, but only one champion of the freesheet. That said, I don't think that the Metro will necessarily rule the roost forever more. There's a gap in the market that I think I have identified.

Sex sells readers. You've only got to look at the success of Britain's number one newspaper. The super soaraway Sun.

It's boobs. Pure & simple. There's a gap in the market for whoever realises that the commuters of modern London are ready for free porn.

I present to you, the readers of the blogospehere, my business plan to really take it to the Metro and hit them where it hurts. I'm not talking about the bollocks, I'm talking about the wallets.

I present you with The Oyster. London's premier adult entertainment freesheet newspaper.

I'll pop up a poll, not the sort that the models in The Oyster would be dancing around, but one that gauges the weight of public opinion on the subject of commuter grumble.

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