Thursday, July 23, 2009


Now I know how the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay must feel. I've been locked up at home all week with this Swine Flu and still no sign of any Tamiflu. I feel absolutely fine, but Dan is most insistent that I don't go into work. He reckons I might be a carrier but not an incubator.

I called Mum to see if she'd come down and help me out but she said she can't risk catching Swine Flu because bloody Roger's got a 'medical condition' and can't risk picking up infections.

Jesus. A medical condition! I'm the one on death's door. I'm her only son and I could drop down dead at almost any minute from Swine Flu. I had to order up a curry from the Taj Mahal and get Rajindar to nip to the shop and buy me a pint of milk. He was really good about it and when I said I had Swine Flu he even made a joke about not eating bacon.

He's not a muslim though, he's actually a sikh and as far as I'm aware they're allowed to eat bacon. With the exception of Buddhism I've not really covered the eastern religions. I thought the next time I order up a ruby and I've not got Swine Flu, I'll invite Raj in and get the skinny. Mind you he's from Thornton Heath anyway, so he probably doesn't know himself, he doesn't bother with the turban. Which as far as I was aware was pretty much the whole gig.

I've not really been able to get up to much readers, completed a couple more seasons on PES. As a Notts Forest fan I have been much alarmed by developments at Meadow Lane and them landing Sven. What do you make of that Mr Coleman, you're up in Nottingham, I bet the ladies are excited about the arrival of such a famed lover! Mind you, with the legendary ratio of six ladies for every man, even Sven's got his work cut out.

I'm not sure whether he'll be able to take County up to the premiership, really, I'm not just saying this because I'm a Notts Forest fan either. But County are shite. They're so shite that us Notts Forest fans would rather hate Derby County (and Leicester City) before even bothering to hate County.

For anyone out there who doesn't know who Notts County are, shame on you. They're the oldest football club in the league. I wonder who they played when they formed? Maybe they just had inter-club competitions until Forest established themselves a few years later. I guess we'll never know.

I did actually find out something completely amazing as well while surfing on Wikipedia. Shane Meadows is from Uttoxeter and didn't move to Nottingham until he was 20. He's supposedly a Notts County fan, but being from Uttoxeter he'd be much more likely to be a Stoke City or worse still Derby effing County. I reckons he claims to be a Notts County fan because they play at a ground called Meadow Lane in an area of Nottingham called the Meadows. Being an artistic type he's liable to be quite egotistical and simply likes them because they share his name.

I used to feel a strange affinity with Barry from Eastenders for much the same reasons. I won't lie to you, I am a little bit egotistical. You probably can't tell because I'm such a talented wordsmith I can disguise the narcissism quite well.

Anyway, I wonder which (if any) Shane Meadows films Sven has seen and whether he intend to watch any. He might like to start with This Is England. It might bring back some fond memories of the time he steered the nation to three consecutive quarter finals. I should think the site of all the St George cross flags will bring a some lump to he throat.

I'm rambling a bit today, I guess that could be the Swine Flu making me delirious. I might give Raj a call and get him to bring me some Cobra.

Speaking of which, I fired an email off to the marketing manager at my fav beer to see if he'd be interested in sponsoring the blog.

Fingers crossed.



  1. While I have every opportunity, I must admit to not following the football, so I'm afraid your amazing writing on Notts Forest et al, has left me a little cold. I couldn't even get into it when I was living in England, as I had no idea who my home team was supposed to be. I lived in Leytonstone and I think the closest team might have been West Ham? Would that be right?

  2. Hi Blogleader - hope you're well and fighting off the ravages of Pig Flu. Bit worrying for me - what with the dicky ticker and all!! However, I'm reading your blog wearing a face mask and the wet suit I bought when I went bodyboarding in Cornwall in 1986 - so I'm doing all I can to keep the dreaded microbes at bay!
    Took my step-son out to Southwell yesterday and had to drive along Meadow Lane!! IMPOSSIBLE!! The press had heard that I was passing that way and every journalist between Lands End and John O'Groats was blocking the road! Never seen such a queue outside the Notts County ground for years. Last time I phoned them to ask what time the match started they asked me what time I could get there! Didn't find out about Sven til' I got home that night! Should make for interesting times down here on the banks of the Trent!
    Keep taking the tablets!

  3. Sorry about the football stuff Tennyson, although I suppose you call it soccer. Which is short for Association Football, as oppose to Rugby Football. West Ham would have been yor nearest top tier (and I use that expression in the loosest possible sense) team. But you might also have had Leyton Orient to choose from. The Os.

    Mr C - yes please do stay out of harm's way! I think I speak for all my lovely followers when I say that we want you fully fit ASAP!!!

    ps. Tennyson - if there's a sport you'd like me to cover, please let me know. All the best. Bazzler