Settling in

I expect you’ve all been wondering how the new job’s coming along, eh readers? Well, it’s early doors, of course, but I’d say the old Newsdesk charm has already been working its magic.

Have you noticed in life there are those people who fit in and those who don’t? What is the magical ingredient, what is the ‘it’ that people who have ‘it’ have? What sets apart the leaders from the followers, the sheep from the shepherd?

It’s a little thing called CHARISMA. When you’ve got it, flaunt it. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past two days. I didn’t want to come to my new job as a wall flower. You’ve got to seize life by the throat sometimes. Work hard, play hard. That’s my mantra.

I’m a tiger.

I wonder who would win in a fight between a lion and tiger? Not that it would ever happen of course, which reminds me of that old joke about polar bears not eating penguins because they can’t get the wrapper off, it’s technically inaccurate, they don’t eat penguins because they live poles apart. Metaphorically speaking.

Like lions and tigers. That said, they’ve been known to mate while in captivity, the resultant offspring are known as ligers or tions.

Anyway, if they did fight then I think the tiger would win easy. Tigers are stronger and more powerful than lions. Lions hunt in packs, they’re like the bullies of the big cat world. It’s perhaps no coincidence that the lion in my fav film the Wizard of Oz was a cowardly lion. Mind you, the lions get the lionesses to do all the work, which sound pretty clued up. And they practice infanticide. Still, Mother Nature is a fickle mistress.

I won’t take any shit from bullies. I’ve made sure that the word’s out I’m a black belt at judo, so that should keep me pretty safe. That’s the thing with bullies, they’re all cowards really. Mind you, as I’m a pacifist, I won’t be starting any fights either! I’m a lover, not a fighter ;-)

I really seem to have hit it off with Dan and Susie, those guys are always bantering away. Sometimes it seems like casual racism or homophobia, but it’s just a bit of banter isn’t it?

I’ve remembered now how much I love office life. The cut and the thrust, the intrigue and the gossip. My new team seem to really get on. And, MY LORD, you should see some of the totty. I think I’ve been out of the game a little bit too long, lol.

There’s one lass who’s got the control of everyone’s eyes, including mine. She’s just big enough, nearly too big, if you know what I mean? I actually feel a little bit intimidated by her. I know, crazy, me, Barry Newsdesk, intimidated by a 21 year old blonde Big Brother fan from Beckenham.

I’ve not made a move, I learnt my lesson the hard way with Amber, once bitten, twice shy so the saying goes. But there’s an office social in a week or so, I reckon that presents the perfect opportunity to get to know her a bit better.

I’ve not made any sales yet, but Dan doesn’t seem to mind about that really. Now I’ve gotten to know him a little better, he seems a really genuine bloke. I really empathise with the way his ex-wife Clare is treating him. He had to leave early today because the emotional trauma is getting to him, there’s a good chance he’ll have to work from home again tomorrow too. I think he wants to make the most of HIS home, before Clare gets HER way and rents it out from under his nose.

KK, gotta go now, I’ve got to do some homework on HR. I tell you what, I think Gill was right, there is more to HR than dreaming up pointless courses and making people redundant.