18+ Porn Star

Looks like my blooger outreach programme has paid dividends readers. Barry's Theory of Followization has rattled up the Newsdesk follower number to 18.

It was Just 17 yesterday, I was going to post about it, but then I was overcome by a tsunami of news. Tide and time, and news tsunamis, wait for no man. It's almost a pity that I've got 18 followers, I was going to post the headline Just 17 - which almost certainly would have brought in a few extra readers thanks to something called Search Engine Optimization.

The Internet is crawled by huge virtual spiders, apparently. When someone types something into Google a huge spider crawls the Web (geddit?!) and finds Web pages featuring the searched term. I wrote about this when I mentioned that loads of people have been coming to the site becasue of Mess's warning about Wu Travel.

Anyway, by posting a headline Just 17. I was almost certainly guaranteed to pick up what Web afficianados called 'traffic'. That's hit to you and me!

Another way of driving traffic is to include links to other sites and hope that your site gets mentioned as much as possible on other sites. So, if you're reading this, how about doing Barry a small favour and posting about it on your site?

When I had 17 followers, I was going to pontificate about the Beatles song, I Saw Her Standing There. Which opens with the immortal lines "well she was just 17, you know what I mean?" which if Garry Glitter covered it (the song) he'd probably get locked up. Again.

So, on reflection, maybe I would have gotten some undesirable types stopping by, rather than fans of the Fab Four. I guess it's just just as well that Bambi joined the Newsdesk fold pushing me up to the far more innocuous number 18.

Bambi is not a cartoon deer or a porn star*, but with a name like that, you could be confused for thinking she is. She's not though. She's a perfectly respectable American mum, whose blog A Day in the Life is coidcidentally a Beatles song!!

What are the chances of two Beatles songs appearing on the blog?

*porn star is a perfect example of the right type of phrase to use if you want your blog to be picked up by perverts Googling about.

At the time of blogging, Bambi has 39 followers, one of whom is called 18+.

Again, what are the chances?!

It's like that telly programme Lost isn't it. Where the plane crashes in mid-air and disappears. Not unlike that plane that recently crashed in mid-air and disappeared.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?

Well, famously it's more likely that you'll be kicked to death by a donkey than die in a plane crash. Which will be little comfort to the families of 228 people who sadly perished on flight Air France 447. That's news, readers, right there.

Getting in just before Bambi (as it were) was Apple4Tammy whose blog Tammy's Tale: A weight loss journey chronicles her battle with the bulge. I don't know whether her blogger name is a reference to her profession (teacher) or her possible dietary regime. What I do know is that like Pamela Anderson, Tammy is from Canada.

Listen to me Tammy, YOU LOOK GREAT and you know that if Pammy didn't have her curves she wouldn't be anywhere near as popular as she is. So I'm pleading with you here on the Internet, don't do anything stupid and lose too much weight.

Men like a bit of meat on the bone. It's a fact - you've only got to read the excellent blog of another one of my recent followers and commenter Mr London Street. He's a prolific blogger and has 55 followers (at the time of writing) even though he's from Reading. He's keen on smut apparently, so would probably be the sort of person driven to blogs that included regular mentions of PORN STAR.

(You see readers, by writing porn star over and over again, I'm bound to ramp up traffic. Although, not the blind. I wonder what the blind do for porn? Do they have porn braille?...I might well have hit upon an amazing invention there - I might see if Dragon's Den are interested.)

As well as Mr London Street (whose best friend is also called Dave....this posting is bit like the Twilight Zone), I'm now also being followed by Da Kat's Blog. She's only got two followers (including me), news which I'm sure will brighten the day of young Mess! (Her other follower is called Aniram Selwonk - which sounds like one of Mr Coleman's anagrams!)

Last, but my no means least, is Mo Snakeskin, his most recent post is titled I Could be a Porn Star. Which is clearly nothing more than a cunning ruse to drive traffic to his site. Still, at the time of writing he has 100 followers. So he must know a thing or two about Search Engine Optimization.

Porn star.

Right, think the old Fray Bentos should be done, I found one of Dave the roofer's Ron Jeremy videos earlier, think I'll pop it on.