Insania

I know what you're thinking readers! You're thinking, 'hang on a minute, I think old Bazlars been doing a few crunchies at the gym'.

lol!!!! Don't be daft, that stud muffin over yonder is none other than my good friend Peter Andre. Yes indeedy, you read that right, it's Peter Andre, or Pete as he likes me to call him.

It's a long story how me and Pete became big buds, but hey, you're not going anywhere right now, not now I've dragged you into my world of intrigue and celebrity....

I've had the craziest weekend in history readers. Flying over to Vegas with Dave the roofer and Gill was a surreal experience fro mstart to finish. Walking arm-in-arm with my heavily pregnant ex into the chapel to give her away, only to hear Dave telling Pastor Elvis: "that's not the first he's taken up the aisle!"

The ceremony itself was actually a fairly moving affair, Gill had the decency not to bother dressing in white, frankly it would have disingenuous, but she did have her hair in a massive beehive, while Dave had gone all out with a white Elvis catsuit. Pastor Elvis did the whole thing using his Elvis voice, but I got talking to him after the service and it turns out he's from Dudley. Small world.

After the ceremony we all 'hit the strip' - and that's where we bumped into Pete! Well, you can imagine what he made of Gill and Dave. Pete was in town having some well earned R&R after all the shit he's been through with Katie. He's amazing though, he doesn't bear a grudge. He's tiny readers, I went for a pee in the casino loos and he caught me looking over, he said: "it might be a maggot, but it's been in a few peaches!" I tell you what readers, he's one of the nicest people you could hope to meet (even if he did nick that line from the bloke out of the Prodigy - as I found out when I read a copy of Q magazine on the flight home! - still, it made me laugh at the time, and not just because he's got a small cock.)

He's proper fair dunkum, or whatever it is the Aussies say. He said he needed to get away from the the paps - he meant papparazzi, they're the guys who killed Lady Di, because he's expecting Christmas to be mega busy.

Speaking of Christmas, he gave me the scoop of the century (well, maybe the scoop of 2009 at the very least). He's just about to launch a new perfume. It's called "Unconditional". I couldn't think of a more appropriate name readers, it sums up Pete.

Pete was telling me that the name of a perfume is very important, it has to capture the mood and essence of the man or woman buying it in Boots or Superdrug. He said Unconditional is "a unique female scent that is best described as 'proactive, sensuous and exciting'."

Proactive? WTF? What does it do? Does it crawl through the air and force itself up the nose of its intended target? I didn't pull Pete up on proactive readers, he's just too flippin lovely.

I think if I was to have a scent launch into the UK retail market, I'd call it "Love Ninja". I really think that sums me up.

I reckon Unconditional would be the ideal gift for those important ladies in your life, girlfriends, Mums, Grandma’s, teachers, nurses or carers to prove your love for them is “Unconditional”.

Pete says the fragrance, with core ingredients such as rose, jasmine, vanilla and musk, has been created by one of the world’s leading fragrance creation companies Robertet. Never heard of them myself, but then I don't really know much about perfume, I once bought Gill a bottle of Oui and she wasn't the least bit impressed. I thought French stuff was fancy! Just goes to show.

After a few beers over by the slots Pete said to me: “I'm so proud of this fragrance Barry; this is the scent that I know smells good on women. I wanted to do a fragrance that would be distinctive and sophisticated when a woman wears it; it is classical and sexy at the same time.”

Now, I probably wouldn't want to think of Mum or Grandma as classical and sexy, not to mention carers or teachers. Nurses maybe ;-)

I told Pete about my blog and he said he'd come and check it out and then maybe give it a mention the next time he was on Jonathan Ross or something, so I said I'd give his new perfume a plug. You'll be able to get Unconditional at The Perfume Shop for £14.99 this year, for that special lady in your life.

Pete said he'd send me a bottle for Mum. But she's not really into all that, I reckon I'll hang on to it and give it to Suzi back in the office, now I know Dan's out of the picture, maybe I can score big at the office Christmas bash! Fingers crossed.

Speaking of the office, my sweepstake band Miss Frank were booted off X-Factor this week. Apparently, John & Edward Grimes are still going strong. I dunno readers, from what I've read about them, they sound terrible, but then being a bloody awful singer didn't do Pete Andre much harm did it?

Maybe one day John & Edward will be bringing out a ladies perfume! They could call it, "Grimes Against Humanity" or "Twin Towers" lol.

Love you zillions
B

eX-Factor

Remeber all the way back at the beginning of April when I got my ninth follower, Cathy, I thought that she was good friends with none other than Will Young!

Sadly, it transpired, she was not friends with Will Young at all. The person that was friends with Cathy was someone claiming to be Sam Trong.

The thing is readers, I was watching the X-Factor at the weekend and I saw another chap that looked uncannily like Cathy's friend 'Sam'. It was none other than Rikki Loney.

Click the links above and see for yourself. I'm thinking that either a) Sam changed his name to Rikki because it sounded more like a pop star, or b) Rikki was a would-be pop star and didn't want to be mixed up with Will Young, so claimed to be someone called Sam!

It's convoluted readers I know, but that's showbiz. Well, sadly it didn't work out for Rikki as he was unceremoniously booted off the show. Joining everyone's favourite stripper quartet Kandy Rain on the scrapheape of failure.

My band Miss Frank are still in the running, although, I must confess I saw their performance on the show and they weren't particularly good. In fact, they were rubbish. Not as rubbish as John & Edward Grimes, a pair of objectionable identical twins from Dublin. God only knows how they stayed on the show. Former Boyzone star, fellow Irishman and former pupil of Louis Walsh Stephen Gately must be turning in his grave.

Poor old, or rather young, Stephen Gately passed away in unfortunate circumstances didn't he? I'm not going to cast aspersions about Gately, Daily Mail columnist Jan Moir, did that, and the press complaints commission in the UK received an unprecidented amount of complaints from the public. Still, there's no smoke without fire is there? That said, her piece was pretty damn low, as the Guardian Hack Charlie Brooker explained.

The thing is, I (and I suspect a massive majority of the people who complained to the press complaints commission) would never have read Moir's poison were it not for Brooker's piece. It would be like me attending a Derby County match and complaining that there were too many anti-Notts Forest chants. Not unlike all those Muslims who burned copies of the Satanic Verses without ever reading it or the Christians of America burning copies of Iron Mainden's The Number of the Beast without ever listening to it.

It's a funny old world.

Baz