Are Cheryl Cole and Victoria Beckham lesbians?

Is this really is just a shameless attempt to get my hit rate up or is it a cutting satire on the state of the British tabloid press?

....no. No. It really is just an attempt to get people to look at the blog having taken the time to type in the above pointless question.

They will too. Never mind my previous, previous, previous post about the problems with society. I think I've just located some far more unpleasant problems with society.

I've got a Blogpatrol widget that keeps tabs on who logs on to the pages of Newsdesk, and you should see some of the Google searches that bring people here....it makes the mind boggle, it truly does.

During the last week, Google had the good grace to bring 99 people to the pages of Newsdesk. According to Blogpatrol, here are the last 20 Google searches (Blogpatrol only shows the last 20):

1. where is vanessa paroncel from? (Google)
2. vanessa paroncell (Google)
3. cheryl cole dumps (Google)
4. vanessa paroncel (Google)
5. modelling the way (Google)
6. vanessa paroncel (Google)
7. cheryl and ashley 2010 (Google)
8. http://barrynewsdesk.blogspot.com/2010/02/cheryl-cole-dumps-ashley.html (Google)
9. ashley cole vanessa perroncel (Google)
10. john terry and vanessa Parancell (Google)
11. john terry vanessa paroncelle (Google)
12. ashley and cheryl 2010 (Google)
13. vannessa paroncel (Google)
14. cheryl cole dumps ashley cole (Google)
15. "mathroom snooker" (Google)
16. cheryl cole and ashley cole 2010 (Google)
17. cheryl cole dumps ashley (Google)
18. cheryl cole dumps ahsley (Google)
19. who said "nice to meet you to meet you nice" (Google)
20. cheryl cole

It makes for quite depressing reading really. Maybe it's satire after all....yeah Baz, it's satire. There, y'see I feel better already.

Yours in Cheryl Cole

Baz

Eidur down after Paroncell push

After last Friday's shock revelations, here on the pages of Newsdesk of the World, that stunning Cheryl Cole will dump her love-rat diminutive full-back parter Ashley Cole due to an indiscretion with the girl at the centre of Terrygate - none other than Vanessa Paroncell - it has come to light that John Terry wasn't the only Blue that she bumped uglies with during the course of a glitteringly seedy career.

I got a call from my source who now lives in Canada, let's call him Dave, that Paroncell (although Dave called her Duracell "cos she keeps going all night!" Lol!!!!) worked her way through half the squad.

Anyone who's familiar with the ins and outs of Vanessa Paroncell, knows about her fling with Eidur Gudjohnson. But few know the real secret behind the reason why Eidur was forced to leave Chelsea for the far flung fields of Catalonia.

Avram Grant.

That's right, once again, Barry NewsoftheworldDesk can reveal a footballing scoop that will shake Stamford Bridge to its very foundations. Paroncell's passion for all things Blue (and that includes Lee Ryan by the way) extended all the way up the manager's office.

Roman Abromavich was allegedly besotted with Paroncell, Dave reckons, and he would do anything for her. Including, sacking Jose Mourino and instating the object of Paroncell's desires: Avram Grant.

So when Paroncell put her own personal management order into Roman, Jose was on his bike. Of course, knowing that Avram was about to take over was the real reason Gudjohnson was forced to leave. Avram, though, as we all now know, cannot keep his cock in his pants and, GET THIS, news on the street of shame, according to Dave, is that Avram made a move on Cheryl Cole at the Christmas party after her and Ashley had an argument over, you guessed it, Vanessa Parancell.

Later that same night, Avram was spotted taking Cole up a back passage. A Cole hole. As it were......

Ashley told Roman and Grant was booted out in favour of the sexually repulsive Luiz Filipe 'just call me Gene Hackman' Scolari. That's when Paroncell decided to move back into the players lounge and get jiggly with Bridge and Terry.

There are some dirty things afoot in SW10.

Yours in sleaze

Barry

Cheryl Cole dumps Ashley

It was a matter of time really wasn't it readers? We all know that Cheryl's very public decision to stand by her man, the first time he played away from home, was probably more Hilary Clinton and Posh Spice than Tammy Wynette. That's to say, her public profile stood to benefit more from playing the part of the wronged yet understanding spouse of a famously good looking, yet notorious swordsman.

You know how the saying goes though, once bitten, twice shy. Everyone's fav X-Factor judge, the ludicrously lush Cheryl Cole has been wronged again, and this time it was a (former Miss) Bridge too far!! lol

That's right readers. You read it here first on the pages of Barry NewsoftheworldDesk.

Cheryl Cole is walking out on her treacherous beau Ashley after it emerged that it wasn't just disgraced FORMER England captain John Terry that was knocking off former team mate Wayne Bridge's former squeeze Vanessa Perroncel.

Like all good journalists, I will protect my source. Let's just say he bumped into Perroncel himself one late night at Crazy Larry's. The pair got talking, she needed some work doing to her roof, and he was up to the task.

It's news that will almost certainly hearten the spirits of my long lost French friend Mess. Where art thou? Or rather ou est tu?

The news itself will soon be splashed across the pages of the Sun. But you've read it here first!

Newsdesk out