Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Get back on the Horse

I didn’t get much sleep last night readers. Dippy and I broke one of the rules of the 12 drugs of Christmas arts project, we kept on taking the third day’s drug well into the fourth day. That’s the thing with coke though, you really can never quite have enough, unless you’re The Who bassist John Entwhistle.

Dippy and I stayed up all night playing Guitar Hero with Larson, snorting lines of Charlie from the back sleeve of a copy of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. It feels like my body has returned to Earth, but my mind stayed on the dark side.

I’m grim readers, grim, fidgety and full of self-loathing. The exact opposite of how I felt about 24 hours ago, when I was ready to Rage Against The Simon Cowell. Part of the cause of my funk is the fact that Larson pointed out Rage Against The Machine are signed up to Sony BMG which owns Syco, which is Simon Cowell’s company that owns the rights to the X-Factor. So me and Dippy have inadvertently indirectly added to Cowell’s wealth.

Oh what I’d give for a night off, a nice Fray Bentos and maybe a couple of Cobra, but I can’t have a night off readers, Dippy won’t let me, she is committed to the 12 drugs of Christmas project, adding to the doubt and turmoil is the knowledge that the fourth drug of Christmas is brown readers, golden brown, H, horse, scag, I'm going dancing with Mr Brownstone, I’m talking about HEROIN!

I’ve never done heroin before, not after what it did to Zammo McGuire, I just said “no”. But now I can’t say “no”, not to Dippy.

Dippy is my heroin.

Dippy is my heroine.

Dave the roofer once told me that he chased the dragon and it was like returning to the womb. He said he felt so secure, so safe and protected, so uplifted too as though the world’s troubles had slipped away and he was in heaven itself. Sounds flippin’ great readers, a bit too great, like curry flavoured Frey Bentos.

I’ve seen Trainspotting though and I can tell you for what, even though Dave the roofer thoroughly enjoyed his time as a smackhead, I am not looking forward to the experience. I thought I had better write up today’s blog post as close as possible to the moment when Dippy sticks me in the arm.

She’s cooking up as I write these words readers, a dessert spoon bent over a lighter. I’ve got Larson’s belt around my bicep pulled tight, it’s quite tricky typing with just one hand, but I’m determined to keep on blogging right up to the point the needle goessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss


  1. You know, if you spent your childhood looking like a frightened badger like Zammo Maguire, you'd have tried chasing that dragon way sooner, Sir. Me, I'd prefer an addiction to Sherbet Fountains, those dastardly fizzy things.

  2. Noooooo

    RATM sold out? Big surprise. I'm back to buying Wombles back numbers to knock Cowell off the top spot, then