The great eight

I’ve just had one of the best 24 hours of my life. I did an afternoon shift at Blockbusters yesterday. It was just me and Richard. That guy is control freak, y’know who he reminds me off?

IAN BEAL from EastEnders. He even looks a bit like Adam Woodyatt (that’s Ian Beal’s name when he’s not being Ian Beal).

Richard effects a certain sanctimonious air. Honestly readers, if I wasn’t a practising Buddhist I’d love to give him a slap. It didn’t matter though, the shop was pretty quiet so I spent most of my time watching free films and eating M&Ms. I guess that’s to be expected in the afternoons – which is probably why Richard took the shift!!!!

On the way back home I was passing the Wheatsheaf pub and I spotted Leigh and Amber in there. I joined them for a few drinks. It was a bit weird at first, what with us being colleagues, but after a couple of pints we really started to hit it off. I must admit, most of the conversation centred on what a jerk Richard is. Leigh calls him Dickard. Sometimes you need a common foe.

I’ve got to admit, even though Leigh didn’t go to university, he’s as sharp as a razor. I guess he went to the school of hard knocks instead. We had such a great night, and I really think I bonded with Amber. I think the three of us might become firm friends. Like the Musketeers.

Leigh rolled up a fat bifter and we had a few tokes. Even Amber. I didn’t think she was that type of girl.

Mum always told me it was the quiets ones I had to watch !! ;-))

Today was even better, I just bummed around for a while in the morning. I called Leigh to see if wanted to have a smoke. But he just said he was busy “y’know what I mean bruv?” he said. I’m pretty sure I heard a girl in the background. That boy is soooooo street.

I killed a few hours playing Pro Evolution Soccer. Gill called a couple of times, but I let it go to ansafone. Treat em mean innit, as Leigh would say.

The day got better, Notts Forest got an away win against Reading.

Then I logged on to check the blog, and things went into overdrive. After losing Steve, Vince and Norks earlier in the week (then getting Steve back). I have gained another follower.

Better still, my new follower is famous!!!!!

None other than David Coleman.

If you've been living on Mars or something, David Coleman is a sport commentator famous for saying particularly stupid things whilst commentating. Here are some of my personal fav 'Coleman Balls' as they're known (he actually said these...!):

1. That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record.
2. Don't tell those coming in the final result of that fantastic match, but let's just have another look at Italy's winning goal.
3. For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2.
4. This is a truly international field, no Britons involved.
5. Both of the Villa scorers - Withe and Mortimer - were born in Liverpool as was the Villa manager Ron Saunders who was born in Birkenhead.
6. He's 31 this year - last year he was 30.
7. He won the bronze medal in the 1976 Olympics so he's used to being out in front.
8. We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waltz is 80 seconds behind.
9. Linford Christie's got a habit of pulling it out when it matters most.
10. The late start is due to the time.
11. He's got his hands on his knees and holds his head in despair.
12. He's even smaller in real life than he is on the track.
13. This could be a repeat of what will happen in the European games next week.
14. It's a battle with himself and with the ticking fingers of the clock.
15. Here are some names to look forward to - perhaps in the future.
16. In the Moscow Olympics Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champions race.
17. He just can't believe what's not happening to him.
18. One of the great unknown champions because very little is known about him.
19. There'll be only one winner now - in every sense.
20. He is accelerating all the time. The last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before that in 62.
21. The big Cuban opened his legs and showed his class.
22. (At the velodrome) The front wheel crosses the fininsh line, closely followed by the back wheel.

Classic. Welcome aboard Dave. Please feel free to commment, I'd love to see a few more of your balls!! geddit?!?

;-)

What is journalism?

The blogosphere has been literally a blaze with the news that Chris Wheal a leading light in the National Union of Journalists went onto another journalist's blog and slagged off blogging, saying it wasn't 'proper' journalism, becasue the blogging journalist had slagged off the NUJ.

It got me thinking. If blogging isn't journalism, then what is? Is it newspapers? Is it Sian and Bill on the BBC in the morning? Or Jeremy Paxman on Newsnight?

Is it newsbabe Sunta on XFM?

Yesterday, I revealed that journalism isn't just news. Sometimes it's features too. So clearly journalism also includes magazines. Now that opens up a whole new segment. Magazines come in all shapes and sizes. Well, actually most magazines are roughly A4 size. But they certainly come in a myriad of subjects matters.

You've only got to step inside the doors of your nearest newsagent or even WH Smith to realise that you can buy a magazine on pretty much any subjects you fancy. From fishing to photography and everything in between. And if your eyes wander north, you'll soon see just how much in between there really is!!! ;-))

Is it TV Quick?

Then you've got the whole issue of people like the people I mentioned earlier. 'Proper' journalists who write blogs. Are they simply taking a brief haitus from their chosen career in order to blog or are they still journalists? I take the view that if you're doing this career nine to five, you're doing it wrong. So these guys are still journalists. Ergo, blogging is journalism.

You need an analytical mind to be a journalist. Something Mr Whear clearly lacks. Perhaps that's why he joined the NUJ!

Food for thought.

Lucky Number S(t)even

I think most of us would agree that the best bit in the first Star Wars film (by which, of course, I mean 1977’s Episode IV, A New Hope, starring Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, and not that Phantom Menace nonsense. None of the sacrilegious prequel trilogies count as proper Star Wars films on this blog, kk??!!) is when, right near the end, Han Solo reappears piloting the Millennium Falcon through the trenches of the Death Star. He blows a TIE Fighter away, and then radios Luke to let him know he’s got his back until Luke – without the aid of his targeting computer – lets fly the proton torpedo that destroys the Empire’s prize weapon.

(Note: the X-Wing’s proton torpedo shouldn’t be confused with the photon torpedo, which is the principal weapon of the USS Enterprise in Star Trek. Just imagine if there was a film featuring both sets of characters, though, that would be amazing. What would the Jedi make of the Vulcans? Lol!!!!)

Anyway, until this point in the movie, through the clever emotional manipulation of George Lucas, we’ve been left feeling abandoned by Han, who has taken the money and run. But when he reappears we all feel a surge of joy and we know it’s going to be ok, because Luke and Han are a team.

Anyway, this is kind of how I felt when follower Steve, originally the third person to take an interest in all things Newsdesk, reappeared as my seventh follower yesterday, having left the day before along with Mark Nork And Vince.

I was trying to keep pretty upbeat after the guys decided to quit following me, but it wasn’t easy. It made me think of how much it would have hurt Jesus when people decided that Christianity wasn’t for them and they were going home. Like the end of the 1960s, when all the acid wore off and people realised the party was over. It was all about uppers and downers now kids, because the 1970s had arrived! Not that I’m saying I’m like Jesus, or that Christianity is like a drug, although that’s what Karl Marx said. If Christianity was a drug, though, what would it be?

So it was a bit of a blow. But then Steve Came Back (but he didn’t bring my colour TV or my bag of sensi or my record collection of Bob Marley, or my 2CV. Ha ha ha. Spot the Paco Banton/UB40 reference??! ; - ) Lol!!!! ) and it made me feel a lot better. So big shout out to you Steve!!

And as for the other two, well that’s fine. Like I said, I’ll stick with them. But if they choose not to come back, I’ll be ok. Like my mate Greg told me the first time I got dumped when I was 16: “There’s plenty more Norks out there mate.”

LOL!!

He wasn’t wrong, even if I do say so myself. He he he.

Anyway, you’ll notice it’s been a while since I’ve posted any new bits of journalism. That’s because I’ve discovered that journalism isn’t all about news!! No indeed, readers, sometimes it can be about… “Features”. These tend to be more touchy-feely and are longer, more exploratory and more, well, easy to write by the looks of things. You don’t actually need anything other than an idea. So, while I’m going to keep the news on the go, I’m also about to branch out into features…

Keep ‘em peeled…

ND out!

Six as a parrot

It seems like only yesterday that I gained my first ever follower. On January 25th Jennifer Walker-Shannon tied her colours to the Barry Newsdesk flagpole and I was jubilant. Over time the number of followers grew, from tiny acorns do mighty oaks grow (as my second ever follower and knitting enthusiast Donnac1968 would say ).

Today though, is a grim day in the life of Barry Newsdesk. Because, as with trading on the stock exchange, things can go down as well as up. Where once there were nine, there now stand six. Steve, Vince and Jack Nork have all, quite inexplicably, stopped following yours truly.

What’s wrong guys? Was it something I wrote? My last post was massively upbeat about Christianity, so maybe those guys are just Satanists. Like Jesus though I will turn the other cheek, I’m still going to be following their blogs and I urge you to do likewise. Some of the insight you’ll see will change your world.

I won’t lie to you though. Losing followers is like losing limbs. Well, maybe not limbs, but fingers or toes, something that it’s really nice to have but wouldn’t stop you leading a normal life. Maybe an ear or an eyebrow. Put it this way, it’s like losing a part of yourself that would still mean you didn’t qualify for the Paralympics.

Maybe this is how Jesus felt when Judas Priest snitched on him.

The Christians

It’s Sunday today and traditionally that’s the day Mum goes to church. As I write these words she is almost certainly wishing Rev Smyth well and congratulating him on yet another wonderful service.

You’ve got to take your hat off to the Christians. When it comes to religions, Buddhism aside, Christianity is almost certainly the nicest. The take home message of Christianity is that you should be nice to people and expect others to be nice to you, and even if they aren’t you should (and I quote Jesus Himself) “turn the other cheek”.

Christianity is the most popular religion on the planet. I think that’s probably because it appeals to something deep within us all. Even if you mess up and do nasty things, at the end of the day God will let you off and St Peter will let you into Heaven.

It wasn’t always the case that Christianity was so popular, of course. Before Jesus was born 2009 years ago, in a manger no crib for a bed, no one had even heard of Christianity. Jesus Himself was actually a Jew, although He said a few things back then that upset his fellow Jews and so they persuaded the Romans put to Him to death. Even then, He still found time to let the Jews off, “forgive them father, they don’t know what they’re doing,” He said.

I don’t know about you readers, I would have been absolutely bloody fuming!!!

I’m pretty sure the Old Testament God would have smited the Romans and the Jews, but He didn’t, He just turned the other cheek. I think it’s fair to say that passive resistance was invented by Jesus and not by Gandhi as so many people believe.

Maybe if Gandhi had come up with something new there would be millions of Gandhians roaming the earth wearing loin cloths and what not.

For years after Jesus died, Christians were persecuted by the Romans. Which seems odd. I doubt whether Zeus et al were really that worried about some guys who was basically a hippie.

Another reasons that I think Christianity is so popular is because there’s something for everyone. It’s pretty flexible in terms of rules. For that benefit, we have King Henry VIII to thank. Henry used to be a Roman Catholic.

That’s right readers, Roman Catholic!

After all those years feeding Christians to lions in the name of entertainment, the Romans had a change of heart it seems. Ironically, Roman Catholics make up the largest segment of the Christians.

The Roman Catholics have got some pretty strict rules on how you should be a Christian. But King Henry VIII decided he didn’t fancy playing by the rules. I guess that’s what happens when you’re the King. I mean, you’ve only got to look at what happened to Elvis to see that sometimes a little bit of power is a dangerous thing.

Anyway, Henry wanted to ditch his Spanish wife Catherine of Aragon. But according to the Pope (even to this day this guys basically heads up Catholicism), Henry would not be allowed to do this. Well, this was like a red rag to a bull, it was basically like telling Elvis he couldn’t have any more burgers.

Henry set up the Church of England. This is basically an off-shoot of Catholicism that lets its practitioners pretty much do what they like. Henry even chopped a couple of his wives heads off. Even though Rev Smyth is part of the CofE I doubt he would condone that sort of behaviour.

I like the Christians, they’re friendly, flexible and pretty much keep themselves to themselves. Jesus was famously protective of His Mum, which can only be a good thing. He gave us Christmas, undoubtedly the best of the public holidays, and Easter which not only gets us a Bank Holiday Monday, but also Friday off too. Not to mention the gorgeous chocolate eggs!

I also enjoy the music of The Christians, I’m not talking about all the hymns (although Cat Steven's Morning Has Broken is lovely), I’m talking about the late 1980s Liverpool-based pop band formed by brothers Russell and Garry Christian.

Terry Christian is another famous northerner with the Holy surname.

I’ve not finished my research into religion, but I have to say Christianity is among my favs.

Nice one JC!

Reality cheque

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to face up to his responsibilities. Well, there comes a time in every heterosexual man's life at any rate. The gays seem to get away with a lifetime of parties and promiscuity. Sometimes, I wish I was gay. I have a lot of friends that way inclined and they always seem so happy. I suppose that's why they were dubbed gay.

Sadly, I am one of the many men in this world who is not gay. So I must face up to the reality that my girlfriend will at some stage want to move in and 'settle down'.

Jeesh readers, I hate that expression. 'Settle down'. It's so middle aged, middle class and middle England. I'm so weary of conforming to society's norms. Even though I was a salesman at the time, I went on an anarchist rally a few years ago to protest against capitalism. Those guys seem to have it really nailed.

I've been reluctant to settle down. I love Gill, of course i do. But I look what happened to my dear old Mum when she settled down with Dad. Well, they had me and brought me up in Lincoln, so it wasn't all bad. But after that things went down hill. I love my Mum, and even though I'm not gay, I'm more than willing to express that love in tears. I've not told you about Dad have I? Maybe one day I will.

Maybe if they hadn't settled down then they'd still be together now. It's worth thinking about, as I said to Gill when we were talking about it the other day.

As I explained to her, I'm not interested in playing the field, of course I'm not. I believe in one man one woman - one vision, as it were (Freddy Mercury was gay, too. That's why the band were called Queen! But was he happy? Not if you listen to some of his lyrics. Although that one about the bicycles its pretty chirpy. Great band, though - and not in spite of Freddie being gay, but because of it!). No it's just I like my own space. I don't know, we'll have to talk about it some more.

I was going to see if Amber wanted to come around and watch The Passion by famous anti-semite Mel Gibson as part of my continuing research on religion. I'm not sure Gill would even bother watching such a film, she prefers romcoms. But Blockbusters is barely covering the mortgage, and I can't keep getting Mum to bail me out, she's not the Bank of England and I'm not RBS.

Gill pointed out that her moving in might help ease the burden financially. And I think she has a point. Maybe I should get a lodger. I wonder where Amber lives. We seem to get on really well, and would make great house share buddies. She's probably not even the type who'd worry about the fact there's no lock on the bathroom door.

Maybe I'll drop Mum a line and see what she thinks.

Nine lives

Apologies for the lack of recent posts readers. I've had a stinking cold. I'm pretty sure I caught it off Gill. It doesn't matter though, I'm as fit as a fiddle with an iron constitution to match. Now I know just how my cats Matthew and Steven must feel, becasue like them, I've nine lives!!!

Actually, I've got nine followers really. It's not as though they sold me their souls ;-)....or did they??

My new follower Marek Lenarcik, is yet another inhabitant of the Emerald Isle and also a fellow journalist. He doesn't post much, but what he does post is of high calibre. His CV makes for impressive reading. I'd say I have much to learn from Marek.

Marek Lenarcik? I hear you enquire. That doesn't sounds very Irish.

Well, readers, that's becasue Marek appears to be of Polish extract. Like Mr Sheen. Only kidding. Bit of furniture cleansing humour for you there.

Marek has got real pedigree in the world of journalism and covers some massively weighty subjects. His blog seems to be one big long 'what I did on my holidays' ramble though. However, there are some excellent photos from around the world.

I'm so glad that Marek has tied his colours to the Newsdesk mast, I was thinking of getting some building work done and with his heritage, I bet he's got a fair few decent contacts.

KK guyz, I think I need a Lemsip, I'm missing shifts at Blockbusters. Mind, being ill did mean I got to take my PES team Notts Forest to consecutive league titles so it's not been a complete waste of time.