To be sure

Happy St Patrick's Day to my excellent Irish followers, the three ems, Mark, Molly and Marek.

And Happy St Patrick's Day also to all the bandwagon-jumping people out there who use March 17th as a great excuse for nipping down to your local Irish theme bar and drinking Guinness til you fall over.

As regular readers of this blog will know, my usual tipple is a nice can of Cobra, in fact I don't really like Guinness that much. However, as it's St Patrick's Day I've got myself a four pack of Heineken.

I know it's German or something, but it comes in a green can, so at least it looks Irish. And on this day of days, dats half der baddle.

Maybe Jenifer Walker Shannon and my other American followers are also out celebrating. I know, for a FACT, that pretty much every American claims to have Irish ancestry. Even Barack O'Bama has Irish roots. He doesn't look especially Irish, but then neither did Phil Lynott out of Thin Lizzy.

Or Paul McGrath.

But then Tony Cascarino looks more Irish than Barack, Phil and Paul put together, and he wasn't Irish, even though he played 88 times for the national football team.

I've heard of an American drink called the Irish Car Bomb. It's a pint of Guinness and whiskey, with a Bailey's depth charger. OMG!!! A few of those and maybe you really would feel like one the unfortunate victims of car-based explosives.

Seriously though readers, I think that American drink is in pretty bad taste.

You would have thought that the Americans could have renamed that drink the Basra Car Bomb or something similarly topical. But then, they don't really go in for hard drinking in Afghanistan and if there's one thing the Irish are famous for, apart from fighting, it's drinking.

They're also famous for winning the Eurovision song contest. Indeed, the land of the blarney stone holds the record for the most number of wins, having won the contest seven times—including three times in a row in 1992, 1993 and 1994. Maybe Terry Wogan was pulling a few strings! I expect they'll win a few more now that Graham Norton is hosting the festivities.

The Nolans, Boyzone, Westlife and the Commitments all hail from the Emerald Isle. Not to mention U2 and famous pop tramp Bob Gandalf.

Not bad for a country of only a little over four million peeps.

Ireland is also famous for its legendary crack problem. Only, and get this, a night of good crack is viewed in a positive light over there. What a crazy bunch.

I'm going to end today's post with a gag from my fav Irish comedian, Tom O'Connor:

So little Eamonn had returned from Sunday School and his mother asked what he'd learned that day.

'Well,' he said, 'Father O'Malley told us how Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt and into the Promised Land.'

'Indeed,' said Mother. 'And what exactly happened?'

'Well,' went on the little fellow. 'Moses got all the people together and loaded them into buses, lorries and cars. They drove off into the desert at night time and it wasn't till the morning that the Pharaoh found out they'd gone. When he realised what happened he was angry and he gathered all his army together, tanks, halftracks, jeeps and everything.

They chased after the Israelites and they caught them at the Red Sea. Moses had built a pontoon bridge and he'd thrown it across the water and his people were just starting to cross when the Egyptians came up firing their rockets and anti-tank missiles and completely destroyed the Pharaoh's army. Then the people crossed the bridge into the Promised Land.'

'Wow, what a story,' said the mother. 'Is that what Father O'Malley told you?'

'Well, no,' replied Eamon. 'Not quite. But the way Father O'Malley told the tale you'd never believe it!'

;-)

Nine lives

Apologies for the lack of recent posts readers. I've had a stinking cold. I'm pretty sure I caught it off Gill. It doesn't matter though, I'm as fit as a fiddle with an iron constitution to match. Now I know just how my cats Matthew and Steven must feel, becasue like them, I've nine lives!!!

Actually, I've got nine followers really. It's not as though they sold me their souls ;-)....or did they??

My new follower Marek Lenarcik, is yet another inhabitant of the Emerald Isle and also a fellow journalist. He doesn't post much, but what he does post is of high calibre. His CV makes for impressive reading. I'd say I have much to learn from Marek.

Marek Lenarcik? I hear you enquire. That doesn't sounds very Irish.

Well, readers, that's becasue Marek appears to be of Polish extract. Like Mr Sheen. Only kidding. Bit of furniture cleansing humour for you there.

Marek has got real pedigree in the world of journalism and covers some massively weighty subjects. His blog seems to be one big long 'what I did on my holidays' ramble though. However, there are some excellent photos from around the world.

I'm so glad that Marek has tied his colours to the Newsdesk mast, I was thinking of getting some building work done and with his heritage, I bet he's got a fair few decent contacts.

KK guyz, I think I need a Lemsip, I'm missing shifts at Blockbusters. Mind, being ill did mean I got to take my PES team Notts Forest to consecutive league titles so it's not been a complete waste of time.

Super Eight

I am literally over the moon readers. Isn’t life amazing? Just when was at my lowest ebb, Citizen Journalism pays me back in rewards that money simply cannot buy. As Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones figured when she listened to Jamie O’Neil doing the classic Eric Carmen, number, I thought I was “all by myself”. But no.

I’ve got another follower. It’s been six days since my last new additions (Mark, Karen and Vince). Six whole days! If legends are to be believed, that’s how long it took God to create the world. That’s nearly a week!!

Incidentally, I was AMAZED when I find out that Renee Zellweger is American. Her English accent is absolutely spot on. Just goes to show you readers, you should never judge a book by its covers. When I told Gill that Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones reminded me of her, she got offended. Can you believe it? Women.

Speaking of women, my new follower, Molly, is also a woman. I’ve been Mollycuddled (virtually ;-)). And like my other follower Mark, she is from Ireland. I’d love to go to Ireland one day, I hear it’s lovely. Mind, I cannot stand Guinness and so the locals might be offended. Maybe if I get enough followers from Ireland I’ll be able to go and visit them one day?

From her picture you might think that Molly looks a little young for blogging, but she's actually 34. On her profile page Molly lists her occupation as “girlfriend”. Jeesh readers, I wonder how it pays?

Only kidding ;-) Judging from her fabulous blog, The Molly Blog, I doubt that Molly really is a prostitute. Although, if she were, there would be nothing wrong with that. It’s the oldest profession in the world. I think Gordon Brown should probably legalise brothels. Maybe I should write a piece about it and send it to the Metro?

On Molly’s blog she claims to have been “chasing rainbows since 1974”. Perhaps she hopes to find a leprechaun with a pot of gold?

She’s got ten followers. Nice work.

Gaining followers makes me really happy. It is better than sex and way better than money. It’s like crack, or craic as Molly and Mark might say. I’ve been thinking of various strategies for gaining new followers readers. Unlike crack (or sex), you can’t just nip off to Coldharbour Lane and buy followers from bloke in a hoody. I’ve been watching Fuck You, Penguin to see if I can pick up some tips, he’s nearly broken through the 4000 followers mark. It’s mental, all he does is pick a picture of a cute looking animal and then say nasty things about it.

I wonder what PETA would have to say about it? Maybe I’ll drop them a line.

KK readers, gotta go. I hear the Shreddies calling and I quite fancy a few games of Pro Evo before Gill gets here. She wants to “talk”.

Women.