The 12 drugs of Chritsmas

I'm writing this blog post from Dippy's sofa and the vibe is totally mellow. It's day two of my new soulmate's festive arts projects: the 12 Drugs of Christmas.

I know that traditionally the 12 days of Christmas follow the 25th, but this art man, and besides, Dippy is going back to Oz until the New Year - she's taking part in this really worthy eco-project to help protect the environment of perhaps the most charismatic of all of God's creatures, I use the expression loosely as we all know that the earth's creatures were created via Charles Darwin, although if ever there was a creature to question the validity of Mr Darwin's selection process, it would be the duck-billed platypus.

These harmless freaks of nature are being hemmed in on all sides by Mother Nature's rapist, Mr Mankind. Dippy is using her 12 drugs of Christmas art project to off-set her carbon footprint, as we plan to spend the entire 12 days without electricity in the flat and we'll share bath water, although we do have a small generator in the garden to power the stereo.

Yesterday afternoon I got back from Dubai, I was pretty shattered, but really excited to be seeing Dippy and to be finding out about the project. The 12 drugs os Christmas is piece of satire readers, it likens Man's need for religions as an addiction, but the point of the 12 drugs of Christmas is that we will take a different drug, one each day, in the 12 days running up to Christmas, at the end of which we will go cold turkey on Christmas day (a direct reflection and reaction, juxtoposed against the hot turkey that the majority of so-called Christians will be eating on Christmas day itself), thus breaking the cycle of addiction and religion.

In a paraody of symbolism of the messiah the first drug of Christmas was ecstacy. This drug was first introduced to the world clinically as Adam, so it seemed a particularly appropriate starting point.

We had a selection of pills and even some powdered MDMA. For the purity of the project we have decided that only the day's chosen drug may be used, reflecting the inabililty for the religions of the world to unite and combine. Although, admittedly, I did have a Cobra or two before the effects of the pills made the alcohol taste like crap.

I've had my time on the Gary Abletts readers, so I was ready for the drug's effects. But something about taking it with Dippy was quite magical. I felt euphoric rushes and tingles across my scalp, down my arms and into my finger tips. We were as one in Dippy's room listening to Orbital and Banco de Gaia, I tell you what, I think we broke down a few social boundaries, but in all honesty I can't really remember what they were. Possibly because at midnight Dippy introduced the second drug of Christmas.

The second drug of Christmas was marijuana. It's not my fav drug as all it really tends to do is make me either fall asleep or throw up, I'll tell you that now, but Dippy has plotted this pilgrimage of narcotics carefully, and after the intense highs of ecstacy, we needed the physical depressant effects of the holy smoke itself.

After a while I was sick, then I feel asleep. Woke up this morning with a raging thirst, I really fancied a Cobra, but I've been committed to the cause and so Dippy and smoked a wee bifta or two, then went for a walk in Battersea park. We spent a while meditating underneath the Peace Pagoda overlooking the river. It was well romantic, apart from when some kids on BMXes started pelting us with stones.

I was about to go and sort them out with some judo, but I was too zen, besides, I've heard that sometimes some bigger more serious youths use the kids as provocateurs to a muggery. They get the younger kids to find a likely looking target out in the open, then provoke them into a chase, then when the target runs after them, they lead them a merry dance through the park and right into a trap, where upon the victim is set upon.

I'm many things reader, but I'm no fool. We went to PizzaExpress and I had an Etna - it was a poor move on reflection Dippy's a vegetarian (natch) so went for the Fiorentina. Still, it's early days and she's still keen.

I have no idea what tomorrow's drug is going to be, Dippy is keeping it a secret. But as today has been so ultra mellow, I'm expecting fireworks.

Got to go now, Dippy's run me a bath with scented oils. Can't bloody wait, I'm not counting my chickens, but I'm pretty sure the oily bath is my starter for ten of the main course of rare aromatic Aussie bird and a side order of best stuffing ;-)

Merry (12 drugs of) Christmas everybody!
xxx